Deliver Us From Swedish Furniture

I think we are ready for the next step in our relationship….Facebook

I was reading this article about Facebook relationships and a few things struck me. The first, and most obvious, concerns the bloke that cheated on his girlfriend only to have the woman he cheated on her with look him up on Facebook….ouch, but what an idiot (although not as much of an idiot as this guy….you will need to register to read the thread, but it is very funny and definitely NSFW!)

Secondly, how many of my friends now have the ‘In a relationship with’ or ‘Married to’ status on their profiles. I’m a bit crap when it comes to long term relationships, they just don’t seem to work out that way….although they do seem to end in more unusual ways than most it must be said, which goes some way to prove my mate’s theory that the main thing I look for in a woman is the car crash potential! Anyway, getting back to the point, this means that every 5 years or so I have to make a concerted effort to go and make new friends as the ones I made in the previous 5 years have all settled down. I’m not sure why, but you can be assured that as soon as one or two go, most of the remainder will either settle down or split up in quick succession. I guess there is nothing like a wedding to bring your relationship into focus!! Right now I am in the midst of one of these moments. This time is slightly different though as I am thinking of making a bigger change and heading for another country, it might also have something to do with sitting through another dreary winter in the UK, but if I am going to have to make that much effort, I may as well do it somewhere more fun.

At the moment the main contenders are New York, where I lived for a couple of years around the millenium, and Australia; either Sydney or Melbourne really as I can’t be bothered with anywhere smaller than that. As I have mentioned before my brother lives in Melbourne and I have a few friends in Sydney (and Howard isn’t PM there anymore!!) The problem with Australia is that I am not even vaguely exotic there - 99.97% of Australians have spent at least a year ‘doing’ Europe, which mainly consists of living 14 to a room in Earl’s Court, hanging around in Walkabout bars and whinging about whinging Poms. This means that they are pretty much sick to death of the site/sound of us by the time they go back home, so whenever we turn up down there, they don’t exactly welcome us with open arms. On this front, New York holds one very big advantage - when you open your mouth, there is actually a fairly decent percentage of the populous that is a bit Anglophile. OK so the words ‘I just love your accent’ aren’t quite what you think, it has nothing to do with your smooth charm, but much more to do with their complete and utter inability to understand a word you have said…..which is another benefit when you talk as much rubbish as I do, the last thing you want is for people to realise what you actually said!

So, that is settled then, New York it is? Well it would be except that being English makes it pretty easy to get a visa for Australia, but not for the USA - I don’t want to get a ‘proper job’ as I hated the working environment there (macho, politics rule and 2 weeks holiday a year…2 weeks!) and I have got too used to keeping my own hours and doing my own thing. I can’t even apply for the Green Card lottery there as I am not ‘ethnically diverse’ enough! As for a Green Card wedding, have I mentioned my er enviable ability on the relationship front? Also I do like Australia and Australians in general…..ah sod it, maybe I should try somewhere completely new, how about Bratislava?