Deliver Us From Swedish Furniture

So, if you ‘found’ a rocket launcher in a shed, what would you do with it? I know, I was pondering this little conundrum only the other day, but one guy in Orlando swapped his for a pair of Reeboks – not an option I had considered it must be said. I was thinking something more along the lines of ⇥ Continue reading

So, fancy breast implants? Got no cash? Such a shame, but never mind as now there is a totally above board and not at all sleazy way to get them….that’s right, post your details on the www and see if you can get people to donate the money for your implants! I checked the site (purely for research purposes naturally) and they open up with -

Gents…Help the girl of YOUR dreams, get the body of her dreams. Develop a connection with a girl of your choice and help her earn Free Breast Implants!

before then saying

Send Ladies Donations, Receive Custom Videos

See, totally above board and innocent.
The thing I’m most amazed about is that people obviously do donate money to this, but if they want to see women with comic ‘ballons on a broomstick’ implants then there are plenty of places out there on the www for free…..or so I’ve been told, I always preferred www.ANiceCupOfTea.com myself

OK, if you are wondering what I am going on about with my excruciatingly bad rhyme in the title, I was listening to the Beebs 6 Music and they mentioned a site called http://www.musicatmyfuneral.com/ - yes that’s right folks you post the music you want played at your funeral…. It is useful really, as they pointed out imagine if you wanted Joy Division’s ‘Atmosphere’ played at your funeral and instead you got Russ Abbott’s, very nasty. ⇥ Continue reading

Now as I am sure you are aware by now, I am a big fan of ‘cocking about’ in general and so you can imagine my glee at finding this

Had a bad week? Well how about this for a bit of bad luck – an Aussie rancher fell from his horse and found himself in a croc nest! In a move I am sure we can all approve of he climbed the nearest tree to get away and waited as a few pairs of red-eyes kept a watchful vigil on him. The only food he had was a few meat sandwiches, but this may have proved a blessing as he covered the tree with toilet paper to try to attract the attention of any rescuers…nice! He was finally found and winched to safety after 7 days….now how has your week been?

Espresso sir, certainly, would you like heart palpatations and breathing problems with that? As reported on the Beeb, Ms Willis, while working at her father’s sandwich shop, downed 8 double Espressos. After finding herself laughing and crying she started getting breathing problems and was taken to hospital where it was confirmed she had suffered a caffeine overdose. When asked about it she said ‘I didn’t realise they were doubles’ well I guess the normal response of ’someone spiked my drink’ is a bit tricky in a coffee shop, so she went for the other excuse…..yes, not realising they were doubles. How many time did you use that one after the quick trip to A&E/making a mess of the bathroom floor/suffering hangover from hell…it’s good to see the old ones are still being used

This one was pretty funny, an American living in Peterborough was ‘advised’ by a warden (whatever one of those is!) that his t-shirt could cause offence or ‘incite violence’. So what did this shirt say – ‘The holocaust never happened’? ‘A Jihad on you and your clean shaven face’? ‘George W Bush is an intelligent, cultured, warm human being’? ⇥ Continue reading

I saw the domain name auction results at Moniker, so, without looking, which of these do you think went for the most?

1. XXXSlut.com
2. WetPants.com
3. FineBitches.com
4. HairyGuys.com
5. BeautifulMILFs.com

OK, got your guesses? Let’s see…. ⇥ Continue reading

A few years ago I was sitting in the airport in Kuala Lumpur and read an article in one of the papers in their investing section and there was a fantastic article about why people should invest in the Malaysian markets and not those faster growing ones in Thailand or Korea or in one more mature like Singapore or the USA because Malaysians are morally superior and, this was the bit that got me….Muslim! Now I thought the whole idea of usery, and hence banking and pretty much all the financial services industry was, well slightly frowned upon? Still, you would have thought that in countries that have a history of investing for their futures in the markets would be a little more circumspect ⇥ Continue reading

A friend sent me this….it was supposed to be a joke, this is getting silly now