Deliver Us From Swedish Furniture » wtf

Marky Ramone Condoms? Rubber Rubber Hey!!

tulip — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:11:02 +0000

So, you have just signed up for your acting lessons and headed to Minnesota, what else do you need for your fun night out? Ah yes some protection, and what better protection could you want than condoms that are Too Tough to Die (break!) before you Blitzkreig Bob? That’s right, Ramones Condoms!!! This does also explain one thing – why The Ramones would not want to be a Pinhead no more

New Dog – New Tricks

tulip — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:42:08 +0000

I was sent this by a friend of mine with the heading ‘bless’….I just read it looking at my dog staring up at me with her tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth and thought ‘you really are no fun are you?’ The only tricks she can manage (beside the aforementioned staring with tongue lolling) is a quick bark to go out and the ability to suddenly hear something in the distance and fly off my lap leaving some large claw marks across my legs….not quite the same thing is it?

If weed was legal here, would all websites would be this good…..?

tulip — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:23:49 +0000

Utter genius this Hema website….it’s also good to learn a foreign language, so pop quiz -

What is the Dutch for ‘Champagne’?
What is the Dutch for ‘Blender’?
and lastly, what is the Dutch for ‘Ghettoblaster’?

Global Warming? Pah – 2007 Was only Earth’s Second Warmest Year

tulip — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 04:34:03 +0000

and, according to this article, it was only tied as Earth’s second warmest year….very dissappointing really! In the UK, we had no summer to speak of and my brother got married in Australia and the weather in Melbourne was, to be frank, awful! My Mum has some photos of myself and another friend trying to take photos at the 12 Apostles on the Great Ocean Road while we could barely stand in the winds that were blowing. To give you some idea of how *&^%ing cold it was, remember these winds were straight up from the Antarctic and hitting us fill on as we stood on top of the cliffs by the ocean’s edge…..so here’s to summer 2008

Keep it real – watch TV!

tulip — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 16:57:23 +0000

I thought this was fantastic.

Have you ever sat around watching some TV show, whether it’s some hospital thing or a legal thing etc. with someone in the profession that sits there tutting and saying, ‘It just doesn’t work like that’? Well how about sitting around watching ‘The Wire’ with a group of ex-gang members, most of whom have served time for some pretty nefarious activities, and getting their opinion on it? Sounds like fun, but I wouldn’t want to disagree with them too much on anything, it might get a bit, er uncomfortable….oh, and whatever you do, don’t say ‘It’s only a TV show’….might not be good for your health!

South Western – too sexy to fly….

tulip — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 15:17:42 +0000

Ahhh, South Western Airlines – the airline with a sense of humour, the fewest complaints and a nice line in fashion police. Yes that’s right, a woman was told she was not appropriately dressed to fly. Was she a member of the flight crew…nope. Was the dress really that short….nope. Can anyone think of any good reason why….er nope? You cannot believe that people can make this big a screw up in the public relations stakes can you….Oh, you can! Whoever was the cabin crew responsible for the decision, they messed up here and overstepped the mark, but it is a very strange job. There are not many jobs where on one hand you are totally subservient to the passengers wishes, while having to maintain authority.
Passengers expect you to serve them and cater to their every whim. OK, so maybe in the old days when ‘The Jetset’ meant something and planes were not glorified buses, but the attitude still remains in these days of no frills flying. On the other hand though, air cabin crew are responsible for the safety of the passengers and have to act in the same way as, for example, a fireman. When they check that you have your belt on they also need to check that the buckle is fastened with the release ever on the outside. I have seen people be really rude to the cabin crew when they are asked to make sure it is the right way round as it can seem a bit pedantic, but this one thing was found responsible for many deaths. One crash investigation found that after a plane caught fire on the runway it filled with smoke. Of those that did not escape the majority were stuck in their seats with the belt buckle fastened the wrong way round and they could not find the lever. So the crew have to learn to be very firm with the passengers when their authority is questioned…however it sounds like this showed itself here as a bad misjudgement compounded by a series of crew determined not to have their authority questioned…….

Not so cool for cats

tulip — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 16:26:32 +0000

Another story from Oz-land and this case the story of a pet cat that started acting a bit oddly; it couldn’t settle down, had a racing heartbeat, dilated pupils….you are ahead of this aren’t you!? Yep apparently they owners had been hosting a party where they served the 3 C’s after dinner; Cheese, Coffee and Cocaine. Our little moggy friend had apparently helped himself to the leftovers while the party continued on elsewhere…..

Schools announce ‘We suck’

tulip — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 12:25:26 +0000

This is one of those moments when you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. A school in Ohio has suspended a pupil who tricked the fans of their local rival school to hold up signs saying ‘We suck’….. So being very clever (either than or the other kids were remarkably dumb) and ingenious gets you punished, that’s one life lesson I think really needs to be taught. How about another one - A school in Colorado Springs has banned Tag because some kids felt they were being harrassed and chased against their will….. how can you chase someone against their will? That has got to be the most boring game known to mankind. I stand there and you tag me, I can’t imagine that being top of the Amazon.com lists in the near future. Kids have an attention span of 15 nano-seconds before they get bored and move on…..unless they are just antagonising and bullying the other kid. Bullying is a serious issue, but rather than address the actual issue, the school bans the game….

Paris Hilton your crown please, Miss Teen South Carolina is here

tulip — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 19:49:42 +0000

Hot Sex? Maybe not quite that hot though…

tulip — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 15:54:45 +0000

You have got to feel sorry for these guys. It’s your first time, so you’ve planned it down to the last detail – you’ve got your best lingerie, soft music is playing, candles are burning…as are the curtains, the rest of the room and in fact pretty much the entire house!! If this wasn’t bad enough, you then get pictures of yourselves, naked, in amongst the wreckage of the house, published in one of the country’s biggest papers. It’s true, you do never forget your first time……