Deliver Us From Swedish Furniture » non-news

Still want to smoke in bars? Move to Minnesota and become a luvvie

tulip — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:03:24 +0000

So, still annoyed that winter refuses to let go and you are stuck outside, freezing cold to have a smoke? Well there is another way now – move to Minnesota and start acting. You look confused, well from what I read here, if you are in a theater production and you need to act that you are smoking, then you are allowed to smoke inside. So many bars around the Twin Cities are holding ‘Theater Nights’ where everyone in the place is designated an actor and hence they can smoke, which seems to work well -

Lisa Anderson, owner of Mike’s Uptown bar in Hill City, said that last Saturday she staged a “theater night” and packed in four times the usual crowd that has come in since the smoking ban took effect.

Nice! The other thing to remember is that, according to the book The Undercover Economist the best way to spot women that are likely to er, well let’s leave it to Family Guy’s subtle grasp of the English language to get this subtle and sophisticated point across, ‘If she smokes – she pokes’. Just remember your Rubber Rubber Hey?

Scientologists, a Dangerous Cult? Ask Google….

tulip — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 19:12:03 +0000

Ever heard of Bombing Google? They way Google used to work was to associate the text around the links with the link itself, so you could actually get some idea of the context the link was in, therefore increasing it’s relevancy…or so the theory went. This meant that if you were searching for something like Baked Beans and all the links to Heinz said something like ‘Click here for Baked Beans’ you knew that there was a link between them even though there is not actually any mention of baked beans in the word ‘heinz’. This all worked beautifully until a bright spark realized that if enough people linked to a specific page with a specific text around it, then Google would rank them highly if you searched on the text. So there was a concerted campaign to associate the words ‘Misearble Failure’ with a link to George W Bush’s bio on the White House website…..it worked remarkably well and even started ranking at the top for the word failure alone!

So, about a year ago Google introduced a few changes to their algorithm to stop this happening again…..let’s see how they have done, try typing ‘Dangerous Cult’ into Google and see what comes up, or just click this link. Just don’t say we never do anything for you

Barak Obama in Alcohol and Schoolgirl Strippers shame….

tulip — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 00:18:44 +0000

So according to the good old Beeb, Barak Obama’s extended familiy live in a small town west of London in the UK. In 1997 his half-sister got married and he came over for the wedding and was also invited along to the stag party. The first stop was the ‘Three Frogs’ pub, but after a few drinks and a change of venue to ‘The Rose’ pub things got a little more fruity as the usual shanaigans associated with Stag Parties in the UK started up. Traditionally this usually involes lots of shots, drinking games, general humilation of the groom…oh yeah and a stripper, in this case dressed as a schoolgirl. However in this case as the stripper arrived Barak Obama made a hasty exit and went to bed…..no fun is he, shame

Jeremy Clarkson – who is a silly boy then?

tulip — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 16:44:52 +0000

You have got to love Jeremy Clarkson, at least he is prepared to put his money where his mouth is, quite literally in this case! In his newspaper column in The Sunday Times, he said that the whole fuss about the British Government losing a huge quantity of bank and personal data (I think it was something like 7 million families’ records!) was a storm in a teacup. Now usually he is one of the first people to lampoon the government, so this was a bit of a novelty in itself, but he then went on to give out his bank details – well you give them out if you write anyone a cheque (no, not a check; Jezza, like me, is a Brit after all!) anyway don’t you? He then went on to tell people how to get his address from the electoral roll and find out what car he drives, because there is no possible way that this data could be used against him…

Now I don’t know if it was his New Year’s resolution to be more, er humble, but after firstly sticking up for the government, he has now admitted that he may, actually, possibly, very slightly, have got it a little wrong when he found someone had set up a payment from his account to the British Diabetic Association for £500 per month. But don’t fear kids, just in case you thought Jezza might be getting soft in his old age, he commented, “Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy.” Ah, bless him, we wouldn’t have it any other way

Dumbledore is Gay….and that’s official!

tulip — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 16:15:20 +0000

In another amazing piece of non-news JK Rowling has revealed to the world that Prfoessor Dumbledore is gay and in fact had a lover’s tiff to end all lover’s tiffs as they were the wrong side of the wizard war type thing….ooohhh, hand-wands at dawn there ladies!

The thing is, wouldn’t you expect this type of thing to actually explicitly appear in the books and not just as a mention on a book tour after the fuss about the last book has died down and sales are slowing….oh no, silly me!