Deliver Us From Swedish Furniture

So, you have just signed up for your acting lessons and headed to Minnesota, what else do you need for your fun night out? Ah yes some protection, and what better protection could you want than condoms that are Too Tough to Die (break!) before you Blitzkreig Bob? That’s right, Ramones Condoms!!! This does also explain one thing - why The Ramones would not want to be a Pinhead no more

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So, still annoyed that winter refuses to let go and you are stuck outside, freezing cold to have a smoke? Well there is another way now - move to Minnesota and start acting. You look confused, well from what I read here, if you are in a theater production and you need to act that you are smoking, then you are allowed to smoke inside. So many bars around the Twin Cities are holding ‘Theater Nights’ where everyone in the place is designated an actor and hence they can smoke, which seems to work well -

Lisa Anderson, owner of Mike’s Uptown bar in Hill City, said that last Saturday she staged a “theater night” and packed in four times the usual crowd that has come in since the smoking ban took effect.

Nice! The other thing to remember is that, according to the book The Undercover Economist the best way to spot women that are likely to er, well let’s leave it to Family Guy’s subtle grasp of the English language to get this subtle and sophisticated point across, ‘If she smokes - she pokes’. Just remember your Rubber Rubber Hey?

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I was sent this by a friend of mine with the heading ‘bless’….I just read it looking at my dog staring up at me with her tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth and thought ‘you really are no fun are you?’ The only tricks she can manage (beside the aforementioned staring with tongue lolling) is a quick bark to go out and the ability to suddenly hear something in the distance and fly off my lap leaving some large claw marks across my legs….not quite the same thing is it?

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In my earlier post I mentioned the Google Bombs, which are the results that had been manipulated by people linking to pages with terms that some people may not feel are totally relevant to those pages. Famously ‘Miserable Failure’ got George W’s bio as the top result on Google and ‘Dangerous Cult’ gives the top result Scientology. After a new set of revelations about Bush’s administration finally admitting that they did take kidnapped foreign nationals, (sorry extraordinary rendition, my mistake) through Bristish territory without telling them (even though it was a shared base and the need to know was explicitly required) and showing their popularity once again overseas by getting their embassy burned down in Serbia. You cannot believe that one man’s administration managed to turn the goodwill of the world after 9/11 to complete and utter mistrust and hatred in only a few short years. You do get the feeling that Read the rest of this entry »

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Are we sure Sir Alex Ferguson is Scottish? After his little tirade about his players being ‘exhausted’ after their international duty I get the feeling that with this little bit of ungracious losing he is really an Australian. Oddly enough though, even they played like a bunch of muppets at Spurs and got a lucky point there, he did not mention the trip to the Middle East the team took to play in a meaningless game over there (sorry did I say meaningless, I meant ‘lucrative’). Teams go through these periods of getting poor results - all it takes is a few of those 50/50s to not quite go your way and then you drop some points, your confidence drops, which mysteriously means more of those 50/50s go against you…. Man U are going through on of these. Admittedly the whole Munich commemorations will not have helped, as much as you try to remain professional, they are still human beings and when confronted with the build up and nearly 80 000 people standing in silence with scarves raised aloft, it is going to affect their focus. However, in reality they were in one of these periodic mini-slumps before that. Spurs could and should have taken full advantage and City did take full advantage and they had a good quantity of their players away on International duty too. Will this be the end of Manchester United’s Premiership bid? Well that depends Read the rest of this entry »

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So, the Mr Men are getting a 21st Century Makeover to appeal to today’s kids. The computer generated TV show now has Mr Strong looking more like a bodybuilder (although still red and not orange or wearing a thong apparently) and the one that has caused the most comment has been that Mr Rude speaks with a French accent and farts…. You have got to love this political correctness these days haven’t you When asked, a spokesman for the French ambassador to the UK refused to comment but a source at the French Embassy said:

“It is obviously meant in a light-hearted way but it won’t improve Anglo-French relations.”

They really are so rude aren’t they

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Utter genius this Hema website….it’s also good to learn a foreign language, so pop quiz -

1. What is the Dutch for ‘Champagne’?
2. What is the Dutch for ‘Blender’?
3. and lastly, what is the Dutch for ‘Ghettoblaster’?

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Follow the guys around as they pick up a few little run-arounds….you can tell things have gone a little strange when you find yourself thinking some of those cars are a little dull…and they are Aston Martins!!

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